grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
