if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think my moral compass just broke
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
