Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
