I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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