Sober January is a disaster.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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