Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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