I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
