She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
