You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
