Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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