Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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