Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
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