you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
