i may or may not be watching the land before time
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
