She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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