New low: just hacked my moms facebook
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
