He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just puked most of my soul out..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
