i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
