It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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