awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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