I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
