would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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