did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
