A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize