you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I know her cup size but not her name....
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
