After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
