is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
