i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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