I'm drive I can fine osifer
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
