if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
