Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
