I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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