i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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