No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
