I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
