I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
