I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
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I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
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List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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