How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
