You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
