Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
