I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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