i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
