If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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