they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
