The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
