Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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