went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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