i think my mom watched the whole time
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
