Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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