I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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