Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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