he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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