Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
