Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
