This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
