Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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