Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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