I think I won the penis lottery.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
