glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
