i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize