He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
