Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
