Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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