don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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