ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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