And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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