i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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