yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
