fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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