people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
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Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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