A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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