Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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