fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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