we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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