Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
