Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
