Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
