Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
